The accusation as a method of education does not lead to the desired result. Moreover, the child’s stress level rises from this, and he begins to behave even worse.
Finnish research psychologists from the University of Jyväskylä have come to conclusions that will help many of us resist the endless and useless accusations such as "I have put all my life on you! And you ...". Although we ourselves must perfectly understand all this.
Scientists have found that the same families used differently “indictment education” on different days. The following pattern was noticed: the more actively parents resorted to reproaches and accusations, the higher the level of stress and even anger in children became. This mental state lasted for two days. Children were offended by their parents, angry, nervous, and were not even going to correct their behavior.
Instead of clearly indicating to the child what can and cannot be done (if you do something that is forbidden, you will be punished), many parents take an approach such as indictment, in fact, manipulating the child’s conscience and guilt . One of the most common reproaches is when parents endlessly remind their children how much they do for their well-being and how bad behavior upsets them.
According to the observations of psychologists from Finland, parents who are very tired and themselves in a state of stress behave this way, as a rule. But some quite consciously resort to such psychological tricks, because they are convinced that this is the way to reach out to the conscience of a child and correct it. Others, without hesitation, put pressure on it, because once they themselves were brought up in the same way.
According to the results of the study, both mom and dad manipulate feelings of guilt in children. And it is not surprising that the level of stress is higher for a child in a family where both parents abuse this method. But the role of the father is especially important here. Maybe because fathers, unlike mothers, value their children more.
