Children tend to actively explore the world, and in the process of their development, they often hear the deliberate "impossible." But does this word influence children's actions, and what dangers does it bear?
Why do we say “no”?
In the process of learning about the world, children often face dangers. The first reaction of parents is the word "no." But why do we say that?
The fact is that children are quite active and can enter the game with dangerous things. For example: games with electricity, glass, water. The strict "impossible" serves as a kind of airbag and protects the child from the harsh outside world.
However, if you look closely at the problem, it can be noted that emergency cases are not the main source of the ill-fated "impossible." Sometimes, parents use it in situations where it is easy to replace a word with a friendly conversation. For example, a child strokes a homeless cat, paints a workbook with gouache, takes a specific toy, and parents at this time publish a rude “no”, based on their own beliefs and plans.
Why is the word "impossible" dangerous?
So what is the danger of the word "not" in raising a child? Is it not so harmless? The consequences of the regular use of the word "not" in your speech:
· Lack of interest in the world
An active kid who is constantly looking for the next interesting object to study develops many mental processes: memory, attention, thinking, and also, the child develops an interest in the world, a motivation for learning. What happens if every attempt by the crumbs to cognize a particular phenomenon is accompanied by a deliberate "impossible"? Interest in the world is gradually disappearing, the motivation to study is leaving. Often, children brought up with the word "no" experience difficulties at school and in developing classes. They are reluctant to attend school, circles and sections, and also, various sciences are difficult for them to learn. It is difficult to surprise such a child; he has a limited outlook and a constant feeling of boredom.
· Low self-esteem, fear of society and condemnation
The word "impossible", said to the child, often does not imply the following "because", that is, children with such an upbringing, perceive the prohibition with a harsh word, as a condemnation and a warning - "you cannot overcome this danger." Such children grow up in people with very low self-esteem. In the lessons, a child who constantly heard “impossible” in early childhood will be afraid to answer to the whole class, be ashamed of his tastes in clothes, music, cinema, afraid to have an opinion and express it publicly.
· Suppression of emotions
Children who are constantly told "you can’t fight," "don’t cry," "don’t cry" and put many other bans on the right to get rid of negative emotions, very often, as adults, they experience problems with long, unexpressed grievances, inability to share experiences and speak out even to yourself. Naturally, all this negatively affects the psyche. Constant self-doubt, a sense of fear and anxiety, can cripple a child’s life.
· Conversely
Many have noticed that the word "can not" - does not find a response in the soul of a child. Children are indifferent to the prohibition by the word or do the opposite at all, if "impossible" is addressed only to them. That is, if the child is banned from sweets, however, the whole family eats them, then most likely the baby will demonstrate his protest with the opposite effect. “It is impossible” will no longer have its own strength, since the child does not see the example “as it should” and will find thousands of ways to get to the “forbidden fruit”.
Not a single parent wants his child to grow up as an initiativeless person, incapable of achievements and successes. In order for the baby’s self-esteem to be normal in the future, it is necessary to reconsider one’s views on such a frequent and unpleasant word “impossible” in raising a child.
How to put bans?
The older the child - the more bans surround him. There is nothing wrong with them, because the ban is only a healthy border that serves as a guard against the cruel outside world.
The main rule is not to put too many bans. Life in prohibitions not only negatively affects the psyche of the child, but also depreciates all restrictions at once. So how do you correctly prohibit and correctly organize the life of a child so as not to create many restrictions?
· Create a secure development environment
So that the word "can not" sounded less often in relation to the child, you can simply remove all dangerous objects into the zone of inaccessibility. In the modern world, there are many different devices that make life easier for parents (Velcro on the cabinet doors, silicone nozzles at the corners, stoppers for doors and windows).
· Create an accessible and comfortable space for creativity
A child will not seek entertainment with dangerous objects if his personal space is ideally equipped for creative and cognitive development. Why would a baby seek pleasure on the side, if he is as comfortable as possible?
· Show your child the right interaction with dangerous objects
Nothing has such a big impact on a growing baby, as an example of parents. If you require your child to hold the power outlet with your hand during use, do it yourself. If you ask your baby not to eat junk food, then also stick to your prohibitions.
· Presentation of the ban
Before placing a ban, discuss it with your child. Do not ask his consent, but just ask how he feels about this restriction, what he thinks about this, what proposals he has, but in no case do not respond to "I do not want, I will not." Let the child understand that from his disagreement, the ban will not disappear, but do not forget to explain the reason for your decision.
· Consensus of the whole family on a particular situation
Bans often have no effect if the mother says "it is impossible" on the same situation, and the father says "it is possible", the parents forbid eating sweets, and the grandmother contributes to this. In order for the restrictions to have an effect, it is necessary to agree on this with the whole family in advance, to inform all members of the family.
· Pay attention to what the child can do.
Instead of the harsh word "impossible", pay attention to the baby that he is "possible." For example, instead of "You can’t eat sweets," say, "I will be glad if you eat a couple of bananas and an orange."
· Let the child make mistakes
Yes, I don’t want the children to feel pain or do things dangerous and harmful to themselves, but let them learn from their own mistakes.
· Replace the word “not” with more specific statements
Do not say “you can’t”, but say “dangerous”, “hot”, “deep”, “cold”. So the child will not only receive a signal of danger, but also learn to analyze circumstances, make the right decisions.
· Do not respond to provocations
If the ban, then solid and reinforced concrete. Think, the child should not push his fingers into the socket - when? Is always. Regardless of the weather, holidays, time of day and other factors. So it should be with any prohibition.
Oh, this word "can not", which can cause significant harm to the psyche of the child. Or maybe it should be excluded?
