If you were brought up in a controlling environment, this is unlikely to have passed without a trace for you.
1. Lack of motivation and interest in life
Many victims of supervisory education are gradually losing their motivation and interest in life. These people do not know who they are, what they want, and why they are doing what they are doing.
In childhood, they were guided by an authoritative figure. This has led to the desire to rely on who will “push” them. When an authoritative figure is absent, or stops pressing, a person becomes excessively passive. In adulthood, he lacks the motivation and desire to achieve the goal.
Such people live in the world of the words "I must" and "I should." They are used to poking themselves in the voice of the “inner parent,” but, annoyed by the endless “must,” they stop doing anything.
People from controlling families subconsciously try to get into an environment where they will be told what to do. Therefore, they often complain that they are not respected, make excessive demands, or openly exploit. The dynamics of relations with parents in childhood is transferred to the spouse or boss.
2. Control and violence
Supervisors have often been subject to control and violence in the past. As adults, they exhibit similar trends. Instead of looking for an environment where they will be controlled, they strive to take a position of power themselves, controlling others. Such people become brutal bosses, grumpy spouses, school bullies, scoffing at classmates, and ... controlling parents.
Victims of control are tired of feeling powerless and helpless. They do not want to disrespect. They know that they will get everything if they learn to dominate and manipulate. These skills allow them to survive in a toxic environment. They embody their fantasies about power and power in any environment where they fall - at work, in the family, with pets, on the Internet, etc.
Some survivors of children become criminals or sociopaths. Others suffer from obsessions, inability to build relationships and other problems that poison their adult lives.
Violence breeds violence. Control breeds control.
3. Poor concentration and inability to make decisions
Leaving the control environment, we gain freedom. Paradoxically, many people do not know how to be free. They feel uncomfortable. If you are constantly told what to do, you feel confused and afraid when you have to answer for your life yourself. No one gives you directions. You have not been taught to think and act on your own, you are used to only obeying orders.
It seems that you are open to any possibilities. You can do almost anything you want. But as a result, people are plunged into obsessive thoughts. They worry about the future, they try to play various scenarios of events in their heads, instead of deciding and moving on to actions.
Even knowing that no one else controls them, they are still scared. Their psyche is aimed at survival. It does not matter that the situation has changed, they are still afraid to make a mistake, try to be perfect in everything and cannot make a decision, fearing negative consequences.
All this is the result of supervisory education in childhood. In adulthood, it leads to feelings of loss, passivity, confusion, and chronic anxiety.
4. Willingness to please everyone and susceptibility to exploitation
People who grew up in a controlling environment tend to please others, because they have been taught to put themselves below others, and to highlight the needs of others. They learned that their main function is to serve others.
As a result, such people are not able to establish healthy boundaries, take care of themselves and have adequate self-esteem. The inability to say no, the responsibility for what is beyond their control, the feeling of being not good enough, toxic shame, as well as the feeling of helplessness, worthlessness or dependence, social anxiety - all this is a consequence of controlling education.
It makes you a victim of manipulation, leads to love without reciprocity and bad boundaries.
Controlling parents continue to control their children in adulthood. They can no longer rely on physical control methods, but the ability to manipulate remains. All the "emotional buttons" are known and just one click on them is enough to make the children obey. Shifting guilt, manipulating shame, playing silence, striving to portray a victim, and other tactics are still effective.
There are many other consequences of parenting in a controlling environment. These are “black and white” thinking, difficulties with self-expression and lack of creativity, perfectionist tendencies, narcissism and various emotional problems (chronic anxiety, loneliness, depression).
